4.5 out of 5
Viva Machete! He’s back and he kills again.
Unlike the previous Machete, this second installment falls a bit behind in term of score. The first Machete is a full 5 stars, while Machete Kills has to settle with 4.5 stars. Anyway, it’s still retardedly awesome. Machete Cortez is heartbroken after his dear heart Sartana (Jessica Alba) is taken from him. But there’s no time for tears as POTUS (Carlos Estevez aka Charlie Sheen) is recruiting him to get a weapon of massive destruction from a crazy Mexican revolutionaire with multiple personalities named Mendez (Demian Bilchir).
The first half of the film is about Machete trying to get to Mendez by contacting a young prostitute named Cereza (Vanessa Hudgens) who is familiar with Mendoza. Cereza’s mother, Madame Desdemona (Sofia Vergara), thinks Machete kidnaps her daughter and sends an army of machine-gun trotting prostitutes after them. Dead bodies everywhere. Machete meets Mendez blablabla lots of people get killed… and the film gets to the latter half where he meets Luther Voz (Mel Gibson), a mad scientist-cum-enterpreneur who has an evil evil plan for the world. More shootings, slicing and killing, this time with the help of Luz/Shé (Michelle Rodriguez). Machete’s bad arse ally from the previous film.
The film is peppered with famous stars. There is Amber Heard as Miss San Antonio, Machete’s cunning handler who is ambitious about being crowned as Miss Texas. Antonio Banderas, Cuba Gooding Jr, Walt Goggins, and Lady Gaga as El Cameleon and La Cameleon respectively. Each has memorable screen times and they have to kill lots of people! Also the scary marko Zaror playing an out-of-the-world super soldier named… well, Zaror, who can still deliver a high kick while being gutted by Machete’s swiss army machete.
The dialogues are cheesy but memorable. Although I don’t really like that the film overdoes the line “Machete don’t….!”. The first film gave us a very memorable catchphrase of “Machete don’t text!”, which was awesome. But in Machete Kills there are just too many of “Machete don’t tweet!”, “Machete don’t run!”, “Machete don’t blablabla”, which ruins the sainthood of the phrase. But the greatest view is seeing Machete in a space suit fighting with a light machete. I am fidgeting to see the sequel: Machete Kills Again… In Space. Viva!